A good friend of mine, a teacher and a coach, has been transformed.  I remember having breakfast with him and hearing the story of what God has done in his life.  He was a different person.  The shackles of porn and lust which chained him down seemingly at any moment he was alone were broken from his life.  I interviewed him, and though he will speak on this subject and has in front of people, we thought it best with the internet etc. to just leave it as an anonymous interview.

Q1:  How did your struggle with pornography get to a place where you thought it was out of control?

As a husband and dad and generally busy guy, I never have much free time or alone time. When pockets of free time would open up and I knew I had an hour or two, I felt pretty much powerless to control my urge to click on something on line. I was in a seemingly endless cycle of watch porn, feel horrible, ask for forgiveness, confess to a buddy, stay strong, and repeat the cycle. We’re talking years of this . . .

Q2:  Why did you stop and decide to get help?

My wife found out. As I like to say, I became known. She was devastated – it broke her heart.  After I confessed to her, I remember several nights, lying in bed, her back to me, and watching her shoulders shake as she silently sobbed. I called my mentor, my Young Life leader when I was in high school, told him what was going on, and asked for help. A day or two later, he had me meet with him and two other men for breakfast. They both shared their struggles and victory over porn. One of the men I had breakfast with gave me a 12 step book . . . at first I was taken aback, but then I realized, I am an addict.

I want to stop and have not been able to – that is an addiction. Realizing that was very humbling. They also shared the lethal impact porn has on the relationships with those we love the most. My ability to experience true intimacy with my wife and my sons, my ability to love them, was being undermined by my addiction to porn. In graphic terms, the impact of porn is so devastating to my ability to be in healthy relationship with my wife and children, that it’s literally killing part of them. Is the thrill of porn worth the blood of my children? I won’t be the dad they need me to be, and the impact of that will last a lifetime. My addiction to porn was killing my relationship with my family.

Q3:  What are the ways in which you have victory today, that can be of encouragement to others?

It’s been over four years since that day I became known, and my relationship with my wife is stronger than ever. I am very much in love. I have shared publically about my sexual addiction on several occasions. Part of believing that God has delivered me is to have no qualms about sharing this very shameful fact about me. In 2 Corinthians, as Paul begs that Christ removes his “thorn”, Jesus said, “My grace is sufficient, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I love Paul’s response when he hears this: “I will gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” For me, sharing my addiction, a great shame in my life, for God’s glory, has been transformational.

Q4:  If you were going to tell someone on this blog that either struggles with pornography or knows someone that struggles — what should they do to get step one of help

Have no secrets – bring the sin into the light. Where there are shadows and hidden places in our lives, the enemy gets a foothold. And, you are NOT ALONE in your struggle. Share with a trusted friend, mentor, and give him permission to be in your life and ask him to pray for you.  Also, memorize scripture! For me, it is Ephesians 6:10 – 19. Once you have exposed your heart and mind to pornography, those images compete for your attention. Go to battle by hiding God’s word in your heart. At night for several months after being known, I repeated Ephesians 6:10-19 as I lay my head on my pillow. Over and over again, I repeated those words until I fall asleep. I continue to do this.

Q5:  How have you seen God use you since having victory?

As I mentioned above, I have shared this in several groups, big and small. My willingness to be transparent and authentic has opened the door for other men to do the same with their sin.

Q6:  One final thought?

As a friend told me, “You ain’t a cruise ship – you’re a battleship.” We are in a spiritual battle and nothing’s worse than being in a fight and not knowing you are in a fight. Take the offensive and BELIEVE God can and will deliver you.

Thank you for your honesty!  I am hopeful that anyone who has anything that is oppressing them in anyway can find help.

Have a great Friday!

Eric