Are you a good Question Asker?

Two nights ago we had a bunch of Hudson’s friends over.  We went swimming,  went up to the golf course and putted around, and then had way too much ice cream!  While we were swimming, we also found ourselves in the Jacuzzi warming up.  I threw out there the challenge . . . “Are you ready?”

“Yes!” They all replied.  “For what?” They asked.

I yelled out – “Five Questions!”

Over the next 20 minutes we all went around the circle and answered some of the following questions:

  • What are you really excited about right now?
  • What would you do if you had $200 right now?
  • Who is one of your best friends and what do you like about them?
  • What do you see in your life five years from today?
  • What would be something you would change if you could?Image

A couple things transpired, and I think Marni would agree (she was right in the middle of the mix).  First, the boys loved it!  Who doesn’t like having someone ask you a question?  Think about it.  The entire focus is ON YOU.  People are LISTENING.  The second truth was that we learned so much about boy and their heart and their life!

If you really want to know how it’s going . . . ask questions.  Here is an example of this . . . at all our Young Life properties, the morning before a week of “Trip Leaders” depart we ask them a series of questions.  In the end, these questions pertain to what went well and what can we change.  Why?  Because we want to be better!

We did a Father-Son trip where we went off by ourselves and asked these questions below.  It is powerful to pause with your son, or anyone for that matter that is important to you, and give focused effort on communication.  Here are the questions we answered:

Dad’s answer these questions . . .

  1. A meaningful memory that you have with your dad – share this with your son.
  2. When was a moment (there are many) that you were so proud that your son was your son.
  3. One hope you have going into this year for you and your son.
  4. Regarding appreciation.  “One thing I don’t tell you enough is . . .”

Son’s answer these questions . . .

  1. A meaningful memory that you have with your dad – tell your dad.  It can be anything from a memory, a trip, or something you saw him do.
  2. When was a moment (there are many) that you were so proud that your dad was your dad.
  3. One thing that you hope you and your dad could do more of – whatever it is.
  4. Regarding appreciation.  “One thing I don’t tell you enough is . . .” Image

As you move into this weekend, you will probably find yourself at barbecues, parties, soccer games, driving in cars, or heading to the beach.  How about making this the weekend of questions!  Here are FOUR PRINCIPLES for the weekend regarding questions:

Q1:  Ask questions to get understanding of another person’s life.  “Seek to understand.”  “What is that like for you?”  “What does that look like?”  Strive to know another person’s life better.  You may live with this person and not know what they are really thinking or feeling about something.

Q2:  Open-ended questions.  Strive to ask questions that start with when, what, where, or how . . . verses did, do, will, or are.  Basically, think before you ask the question and if it can be answered with one word, then reword the question.  “Will you go to the beach this weekend?”  “What are you looking forward to this weekend?”

Q3:  Open your EARS.  This is basic info, but really, no question is a good question if you are not really listening to the answer.  LISTEN!  It’s not as easy as you think . . .

Q4:  Rule of the onion.  Remember, just like every onion has to get peeled back a couple layers . . . great question asking usually has to go at least three “rounds.”  This just means that asking follow-up questions, gaining more detail on something they said, and again, seeking to understand the person you are talking with.

I have added some more questions for you in .docs.  Hope they help!  Have a great weekend of questions!

Here are two resources for you . . .




4 thoughts on “Are you a good Question Asker?

  1. Yes, yes. You are right. Take word dad or father and put in mom or mother. At our house, just sayin’, we use the WWLD. What would Leslie do? WHY? Because you are such a great MOM. love YOU

  2. I’ve been blessed with time with my “boys” these last 3 days. We went across state off to college orientation for Conor and stayed at Caleb’s rented basement in a house just off the campus of University of Northern Colorado. Sweet time together indeed! I so look forward to more upcoming times together like this, their freshman and sophomore year at college. We were driving home and about 3 hours west of Denver at midnight when the Theater Shootings broke loose. Today is a great day reminding me of the privilege, joy and preciousness of doing life together….IN CHRIST. Great Questions are ESSENTIAL to growing in deep intimate relationship. We know it with kids and others in YL and oh how much more we must practice this in our marriages and families. We will NEVER regret our growing in intimacy and preparing for eternity… matter what we encounter in life ahead. Thank You God!!!

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